The Kaleidoscope of Identity
“Tell Me About Yourself”
In those first therapy sessions with clients, I always start with a simple question: 'Tell me about yourself.' But here's the twist – this seemingly straightforward question unravels a whole world of complexity. Whether I'm chatting with a seasoned mom juggling five kids or a curious teenager, I've noticed this question often leaves people momentarily stumped. It's like peeling back the layers of who we are – our self-concept, how we navigate the world, our thoughts, feelings, actions, values, and roles. Phew, just writing that sentence feels like navigating a maze!
That ice breaker question is really asking about my client’s identity. Identity is complex, and it’s a big deal. And it's not something fixed in stone; it's always evolving. We're not the same person we were a few years ago, and we won't be the same a few years from now.
Identity Development
This journey of identity development starts as early as infancy. When a child is born, parents eagerly wonder, "Who will they be?" "What will their personality be like?" Labels start forming as hints of their budding personalities shine through. "Oh, she's so smart!" or "He's so hyper!" These labels stick, serving as the first mirror children have to reflect who they are. As they grow, feedback from teachers and peers adds layers to their identity. Can you remember the labels you were given in childhood? Were you the shy one, the bossy one, the sensitive one, or maybe the creative one?
But here's the fun part: identity is like a shape-shifter. We have some stable traits, but even those ebb and flow. Those childhood labels might not fit anymore. So, how do we handle this ever-changing identity and help our teens navigate their own identity development? It's all about ditching rigid labels and embracing the ever-evolving us.
Identity Is Ever-Evolving – Embrace the change!
As humans, we often have a habit of categorizing and labeling things, including ourselves. However, when we rigidly confine our identity within these fixed boxes, it can limit our potential. For instance, if your teen describes themselves as "anxious" because they're afraid to speak up in class, it's important to remind them of their many other qualities, like being a talented artist or a sports star who scored the winning point. The same principle applies to us parents. If you're feeling like a stressed-out, scatterbrained mom, remember that it's just a temporary response to this stage of life, and that narrative will evolve over time.
Here's a challenge for you: take a moment to think about these evolving identities, for your teen and yourself. Are those childhood labels evolving? Is your bossy first-born now showing some empathy? Help them see these transformations. And don't forget to share your own evolving identity as you go from being a parent of a dependent child to a parent of an independent teenager. Embrace all those versions of yourself and celebrate the beautiful journey of identity together.
In Partnership with Hurdles in Heels
